“I Think I’ll Go To University”…

said the almost 17 year old, at dinner.

Once the laughter died down, the baiting began.

“I thought you wanted to go to college?
You do realize you’ll have to have better marks?
Why do you want to go away to school?” asked the Husband.

“Why the sudden interest in my sudden interest”, the 17 year old asked.

“Did you wash your hands?” I asked the five year old, then switching channels I asked, “You want to go to the second most popular University in the province? Why there?”

“I don’t know”, she answered, evasively.

“Yes. I DID wash my hands, ooh can I have the cucumber?” interrupted the five year old.

“You could go to University here.” Suggested the Husband.

There’s no way you washed, your hands are FILTHY!”, I snapped at the five year old.

“If I go away to school can I have a car?”, the 17 year old batting her eyelashes.

More laughing, the ROF kind!

The five year old, thinking we were laughing at him got goofier, “I’m a ninja! I can kick…”

“That’s ENOUGH! Eat your dinner!” I exploded cutting him off.

“What are you going to study?” the Husband asked through, gasps, wiping away a single tear.

” Eat. Your. Dinner!” I repeated trying to remain calm.

“Psychology, sociology, you know, stuff”, she shrugged.

“Do I still like chicken?” the five year old asked, eyeing the chicken on his plate.

“OK so what is #18 (her current and 18th boyfriend) going to do?” threw out the Husband.

“I remember that boy with the hat, I didn’t like it when he called me little dude” interrupted the five year old.

“He’s not my boyfriend, that’s my old boyfriend” She snarked back to her brother.

“Which one had the hat?” asked the Husband, “Was that Lenny?”

“I can tell you about the planets. I learned all about them today”. The five year old interrupted, again, loudly.

“DON’T BE RUDE! Wait your turn before speaking”, I scolded.

He put his hand up in the air and waited.

“No, that was Lou, this one is the viola-playing bowler with the beard” she casually threw out, without a hint of irony.

“Describe this boyfriend, what’s his name again”, the other curve ball flew out.

“Describe your first girlfriend?” the almost 17 year old hit back, arms crossed.

“Honestly I should start taking bets on how long we can sit down for dinner as a family before the conversation completely degenerates into insults and baiting.

“Mummy, can I talk, now?” said the five year old, exasperated, still waving his hand.

“There’s never been anyone other than your mother” the Husband answered.

“Can you describe her in five words or less?”, inquired the almost 17 year old.

“Can YOU?” he batted back.

“Yah, I’ve lived with her my entire life!” she replied with unnecessary sarcasm.

“Um, passionate, bright, lively, fun, um, um …” he answered reaching for the words.

I yawned in mock boredom and sneered at them all.

The five year old finally put his hand down, forgetting the comments he planned to make. The sixteen, almost 17 year old left the table for the computer screen and the Husband retreated for a rest before the big game.

Finally, there is silence.