Vertigo: Sober Spins

Gross.

Along with my list of wacky explanations for why things happen I’m adding the Theory of Vertigo.

Vertigo may occur when you experience extreme temperatures concurrently. Wind can speed the process.

I went for a late afternoon walk without a hat in the freezing cold. I had a hood on my jacket which I pulled up when we walked into the strong winds but for the most part it was off. When I entered the warm house I was fine but the next morning I could barely walk. That was yesterday.

It must have looked real purty, reeling, stumbling, hanging on to walls trying to focus forward to make it stop, it was just like the moment you realize you’ve had too much to drink and should go to sleep. But it didn’t go away. The three hour morning nap helped a bit, but the ship was still rocking.

By dinner time the husband provided the solution.

“Go to the neighbors and have a drink” he suggested.

Crazy man.

But I did go have a glass of wine and some guacamole and chips and came home believing I was cured.

Until this morning.

“Ahoy me Matey’s, arrggghhh!” It’s feel like a pirate day. Again.

Broxifers…

The nine year old wants boxers.

He’s had enough of the hybrid leg hugging briefs.

“Can we get them tomorrow?” he asked.

“What’s your rush?”

“I REALLY. WANT. THEM” he overstated.

Turns out a popular skateboard company has a brand of boxers that ALL the boys have. Well, just Chris the neighbor but that’s enough to convince the boy to start hanging free.

“Do you know what a recession is?” I asked.

“No” he said, flatly.

“Everybody has to stop spending money on things they don’t need or we’re going to all run out of money” I explained.

“But I really want them-

“That’s too bad. We can’t always get what we want. Just because you want something doesn’t mean you’re going to get it.”

I waited three beats then said as evenly as possible.

“We don’t have money for that”

“When will we have money again?” he asked rolling his eyes.

“When the recession is over” I was starting to get louder.

“When will that-

“Ask your father!” I yelled.

He ran away muttering under his breath, something about me being mean.

If he argues about new underwear again I’m going to hand him a pair of scissors so he can cut the crotch out of his gotch and free his boys.

Just doing my part to help the economy.

Between Gigs…

The husband can walk again, without crutches. He’s less crabby and actually getting progressively happier as Super Bowl hour approaches he’s probably also relieved that …

the 20 year old has received her Visa and will be leaving the country on Wednesday evening on a no frills red-eye flight. She’ll travel through England by train all morning when she arrives to get to her destination with a minster or fordshire at the end of it. She’ll be living and working with a pretty cool sounding family, so cool I’d like to go with her but I’m the mom and it’s her turn for an adventure…

My last working adventure (contract) was completed successfully (so far). It was great to be in a normal job for a little while. I became a commuter and got into a constant rhythm of a routine. It was kind of strange for me to work at a steady pace, in a completely predictable environment. I got used to it. But alas, the next adventure (contract) awaits and by March I will be working full time…

Full time homemaker is not something I can put on a resume. I’d never get a reference from this bunch. I had to MacGyver a meal together and it wasn’t pretty. It was dinner time, the fridge was running on fumes, the cupboards were almost bare except for some Bisquick and the freezer coughed up a bag of frozen vegetables that weren’t part of the husband’s healing process. I grabbed some left over chicken and a can of cream of chicken soup and made a chicken pot pie. I was very proud of my inventiveness until I served it. It tasted fine if you didn’t have to look at it. The husband scraped his pile of goo back onto the pie plate, went back into the fridge, pulled out a leftover burger and hoovered it quickly…

He’ll be leaving quickly for his annual Super Bowl game with his friends today. The host is an amazing cook who uses this opportunity to cook up a storm. He’s fried turkeys, built spectacular sandwiches, sizzled steaks all in the name of eating well…

The nine year old will beg to order Chinese food, the 20 year old will disappear before dinner waving off my offer to cook and I think the meal will be the usual Super Bowl Sunday dinner. Frosted flakes or Fruit Loops. With milk.

What are you having? And what time should we be there?