Being Fifty…
Talk about an exercise in aversion.
Even typing Fifty just feels wrong. But it’s there, it’s square … root is… math … and right or wrong I’ve hit it and it was unresponsive, frigid, even. Except, that’s a lie! Fifty IS responsive! It responds to touch in a flaccid, saggy way. It folds into itself creating a wave of ugly wrinkles when poked. Gravity pushes down on it and everything kind of congeals in a mess in the middle. But, heck, it’s still a response!
The consultant looked at me, frowning. Well, you couldn’t really call it a frown, the skin around her eyes barely moved.
“Yes, I have Botox in my forehead. I started at 37 and kept getting the shots so I wouldn’t develop the deep worry lines like yours my grandmother’s.”
She did a quick tour of my lines with her calculator. My face would cost approximately $1200.00 to plum up and freeze into a youthful glow. That’s $350 for the worry lines between my eyebrows, $400 for the lines beside my nose and $450 for the lines that go from the sides of my nose to my lips. I don’t need Botox at the corners of my mouth, yet, she informed me (take away $350). But that’s not all! Botox only lasts around 4 months, the other plumping stuff may last up to six months. That equals a whole lot of math per year that I could be spending on a vacation! A really GOOD vacation with meals and everything!
“Is the price ever going to be affordable to average women?” I asked, naively.
“Why would it? Women will pay whatever it takes”.
Suddenly I was disgusted with myself, my vanity, my insecurity about aging. I know better, I do and yet I’m falling for the biggest, cruelest marketing trap geared to women.
“You’re STILL not good enough”!
Every ad geared to my age category reminds me of my flawed appearance. A WRINKLE? A GREY HAIR? Your death awaits you, welcome to the end! But if you rub it, dye it, lift it, fill it with poison, or just cut it off, you will achieve eternal youth.
Valerie Bertinell didn’t just lose weight she had a TON of surgery done to her body and face to tighten up the leftovers but the message to us is ‘SEE? You too can look like Barbie.’ That toy model we grew up with never aged, sagged, drooped or wrinkled. She is still impossibly proportioned and as perky as ever. I know this to be impossible, I’m a free-thinking female yet I was seduced by the message that I could STILL improve and that I should improve because everyone else is doing it!
So I lost weight. Again. Losing 40 pounds to free myself of hypertension and high blood sugar wasn’t good enough. Losing weight didn’t turn me into a swim suit model (I didn’t expect it to but dammit, all the messages bombarding my brain gave me the illusion of a swim suit body). On the practical side I did it with a doctor, covered by our provincial medical system (yay, Doctor Daniels!) There were no meetings, nobody telling me I had to make losing weight about going to meetings, creating a secondary lifestyle - yuck! No supplements, no weird drinks, no special, expensive food plan, just common sense and the accountability of seeing a gruff, unsmiling man looking at the number on the cattle-sized weigh scale asking me if I exercised during the week. Hey, whatever works -my blood pressure is down and THAT should be good enough.
I can’t afford to tighten up the leftovers or pay to temporarily reduce the effects of aging on my skin. Clearly there has to be an alternative to all the noise, the negative messages, the stereotyping and it’s all up here (points to head). I looked at the old lady looking back at me in the mirror and made a decision, a vow as it were. I promised NOT to buy into the false advertising that I need to rid myself of any signs of aging at tremendous expense in order to feel good about me. I will look after my health.
It’s amazing how a virtual trip around the world (virtual is the key word, I’m in Waikiki today), a bit of concealer for the dark circles and a little blush can make a difference. I’m also going to treat myself on a regular basis to the easiest, cheapest facelift in the freaking world. Smile. Seriously go look in a mirror and do it! The change is amazing! And if anybody asks, yes, I invented the cure for aging and I’m giving the secret away to you for FREE! Do it. Go on, really. You’ll thank me.
